mendacium
- rewritten version -
I talked to hinges
With the hope of understanding and answer
I thought that I will find the answer in them,
Instead of letting self-reflection happen.
I talked to hinges,
but that’s the end.
I start talking to me, to my own
Mare tenebrarum.
Now it’s time for my side,
My relativism,
This is my relativism.
Ōmori
Why did you choose that path?
Why did you make our life harder?
Why tho?
Why!
wHy?
whY!?
I’m not asking the right person,
I should ask voices
which keep talking
and talking
saying mendacium.
I feel a lack of connection.
I feel a lack of relation.
How you can say words that are meant to mean everything,
two words that can lift us
how could you? – you couldn’t.
Enigma
You haven’t tried to get to know me during this 262 974,383
that made me talk to hinges,
Primate turns out to be a hinge.
Everything was gone,
everything that was left to do
was to leave
and disappear,
but I can’t
everything is still alive
but it’s dying on the bench
where we used to say our darkest secrets.
I’m having flashbacks to
playground with beautiful memories
full of love,
that was how I remembered it,
now it’s the place of pain
of betrayal.
I should’ve ended it back then
on the special day that happens every few years.
I should’ve said enough.
move on and let you have your idaniko
but you can’t cry over something
that is not worth it.
Ōmori,
stop saying it hurts
cause I saw too much in my life to believe you
I know this is mendacium.
Stop trying to play on my emotions,
you can not play on them.
Your chantage is powerless
like you
you’re really, powerless
you must be if you’re listening to voices
that keep saying mendacium,
they are as toxic as you.
You really need to be weak,
not have your own will,
or brain.
Omorî every moment with you
was a mirage in the desert of illusion.
love,
trust,
interest,
sex,
mirage.
Giving pleasure isn’t exactly your forte,
but how can I blame a boy
who had poorly practice
with poorly effects,
especially practice as a child
with a much younger kid.
Affectation was the worst thing that happened to us,
when you were puncturing my body
depriving my places of purity
making yourself home on me and in me,
I’ve needed to say yes
yes
Yes
yEs
yeS
When I wanted to say
NO!
but I couldn’t
I needed to say yes, every single time,
cause you never gave up
I was saying no, but you couldn’t understand me,
my no meant nothing to you.
When I said no, you still tried to puncture me,
When I couldn’t puncture myself.
When I haven’t got
strength
willingness
need
desire
I was desiring your soul not your body.
I was saying no, but you kept trying
until you finally succeeded.
I will never forget the pain that accompanied me then
lacerated of soul
which made me forget my self-esteem.
Only you could say no,
only you,
I feel really sorry for your idaniko,
somebody else will need to go through this,
your sick desire,
appetite to be the Alpha
when you’re an omicron
as round and hollow inside.
You will never be the Alpha
you won’t be able to become it,
voices are your alpha
you’re listening to them as
you’re enchanted by them.
You’re a mass person,
who’s cometh after the dictatorship.
Puerilism or hebephrenia
they both suit you perfectly Ōmori,
But there’s nothing left to say
Cause you’re enchanted.
I want to reclaim my time
time
whose wasn’t there
why I needed to go through it,
why did the hinge take such control over me?...
With the hope of understanding and answer
I thought that I will find the answer in them,
Instead of letting self-reflection happen.
I talked to hinges,
but that’s the end.
I start talking to me, to my own
Mare tenebrarum.
Now it’s time for my side,
My relativism,
This is my relativism.
Why did you choose that path?
Why did you make our life harder?
Why tho?
Why!
wHy?
whY!?
I’m not asking the right person,
I should ask voices
which keep talking
and talking
saying mendacium.
I feel a lack of connection.
I feel a lack of relation.
How you can say words that are meant to mean everything,
two words that can lift us
how could you? – you couldn’t.
Enigma
You haven’t tried to get to know me during this 262 974,383
that made me talk to hinges,
Primate turns out to be a hinge.
Everything was gone,
everything that was left to do
was to leave
and disappear,
but I can’t
everything is still alive
but it’s dying on the bench
where we used to say our darkest secrets.
I’m having flashbacks to
playground with beautiful memories
full of love,
that was how I remembered it,
now it’s the place of pain
of betrayal.
I should’ve ended it back then
on the special day that happens every few years.
I should’ve said enough.
move on and let you have your idaniko
but you can’t cry over something
that is not worth it.
Ōmori,
stop saying it hurts
cause I saw too much in my life to believe you
I know this is mendacium.
Stop trying to play on my emotions,
you can not play on them.
Your chantage is powerless
like you
you’re really, powerless
you must be if you’re listening to voices
that keep saying mendacium,
they are as toxic as you.
You really need to be weak,
not have your own will,
or brain.
Omorî every moment with you
was a mirage in the desert of illusion.
love,
trust,
interest,
sex,
mirage.
Giving pleasure isn’t exactly your forte,
but how can I blame a boy
who had poorly practice
with poorly effects,
especially practice as a child
with a much younger kid.
Affectation was the worst thing that happened to us,
when you were puncturing my body
depriving my places of purity
making yourself home on me and in me,
I’ve needed to say yes
yes
Yes
yEs
yeS
When I wanted to say
NO!
but I couldn’t
I needed to say yes, every single time,
cause you never gave up
I was saying no, but you couldn’t understand me,
my no meant nothing to you.
When I said no, you still tried to puncture me,
When I couldn’t puncture myself.
When I haven’t got
strength
willingness
need
desire
I was desiring your soul not your body.
I was saying no, but you kept trying
until you finally succeeded.
I will never forget the pain that accompanied me then
lacerated of soul
which made me forget my self-esteem.
Only you could say no,
only you,
I feel really sorry for your idaniko,
somebody else will need to go through this,
your sick desire,
appetite to be the Alpha
when you’re an omicron
as round and hollow inside.
You will never be the Alpha
you won’t be able to become it,
voices are your alpha
you’re listening to them as
you’re enchanted by them.
You’re a mass person,
who’s cometh after the dictatorship.
Puerilism or hebephrenia
they both suit you perfectly Ōmori,
But there’s nothing left to say
Cause you’re enchanted.
I want to reclaim my time
time
whose wasn’t there
why I needed to go through it,
why did the hinge take such control over me?...
I’m closing this chapter, blocking it in my conscious
you’re not worth any of my thoughts
you never were, now it is over.
I don’t need to prove anything to anyone,
I have no one to.
Goodbye forever inevitable nightmare
of my teenager-hood.
Pseudo text from pseudo artist to pseudo-love.
Kolejny sztos!
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